Self-Esteem

What exactly is self-esteem?  Why do some people seem to have confidence in themselves and other people do not?  Is there a pattern for developing self-esteem in oneself?  Are there actions parents can take to help their children have confidence in their own abilities?

I have always been a fairly confident person. It seemed reasonable, from early childhood, to assume that I could do whatever I wanted to do and do it well.  There are many stories in the family about me saying, at a very young age, such things as, “I can do it myself!” and “I have two hands and everything” when my older brother was instructed to help me do something that he could do better.  It seems that I was born with the notion that I could do anything and do it as well as, if not better, than anyone else.

Building Self-Esteem in Children

I believed, as a mother, that giving your children opportunities to perform little chores and then praising them when they were accomplished was the secret to building self-esteem.  One of my great ideas was to create job charts covered with nickles, dimes, and quarters concealing the job written underneath.  My children, before starting their schoolwork for the day, would pick which denomination of money they wanted to have and then do the chore listed underneath the money.  Also, the jobs covered by quarters were harder tasks.  Certainly, all tasks had to be completed to mom’s satisfaction if they were to keep the money.  A lot of praise and competition went into these work fests.

We made school charts to mark off – and feel good about – when schoolwork was completed.  We involved our children, as much as we were able, in plays and performances.  I enjoyed these activities as much or more than my children did, I am sure.  Those were happy times for this mother!  I felt pretty good about myself as a mother and believed that, for the most part, I was succeeding in raising confident children.

A Story

I hope you won’t mind too much if I tell you a short – and real-life story.  What I am about to tell you changed forever the way that I feel about self-esteem and self-confidence.  This experience taught me things about why it is so important that we help our children – and ourselves – to develop a solid base of confidence within our characters.

I had a conversation several years ago with a young woman who was in her first semester at college.  She was attending a “Church” college where – one would think – the majority of her new acquaintances would share her values and basic philosophies.  One day she asked me, “What is the most important thing a mother can teach her children to prepare them to go out into the world?” Not knowing where she was going with this or whether or not she thought I had done this with my own children, I asked with some trepidation, “What is that?”

She replied, “Young people need to have confidence in themselves and in what they believe.” I was a bit concerned about her answer.  I had always seen her as supremely self-confident.  There was something in her voice, however, that indicated she was, perhaps, having a bit of a dilemma in her life somewhere.  She went on to say, quoting a song from a popular Christmas play, “There are so many choices. . . so many different voices.”

Conviction and Confidence

I have thought of that conversation many times over the years.  It is important for children and teens to have experiences in which they “shine” and are successful. But, as I was taught that day and have been reminded on many days since, true self-confidence comes from knowing deep down inside who we are and what we believe.

Each of us comes with a set of tools – talents, and abilities if you will.  I believe that we all also have a “walk” in this life that is uniquely our own.  Do you know what your walk is?  Do our young people even know that they have one of their own?  The highest form of self-confidence, in my opinion, is to know that we are walking that walk to the best of our ability.  I love the quote by Mark Twain. “There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why.”

Competition and Comparison

We do not have to be good at everything.  It is very unhealthy and damaging to self-esteem,  to compare ourselves to others.  Winning a competition may make us feel good about ourselves for a while.  It may even spur us to great accomplishments.  But is it a valid and long-lasting way to build self-esteem?  Maybe.  Unfortunately, we will likely come across somebody, somewhere, someday – and more than once – that is better than we are at nearly everything that we are good at.  True self-esteem comes from within.

Improving Ourselves

Confidence comes from being a better “us” today that we were yesterday.  Self-esteem comes from rising above trials and temptations and keeping on.  Self-confidence comes from service and kindness and from living with grace and compassion.  Self-esteem also comes from courage in the face of challenges.  Self-esteem comes from doing what is ours to do, to the best of our abilities.

Essential Oils

Can the use of essential oils really help us find courage, confidence, and the power that comes from convictions and living by them?  I have seen enough, over many years, to know that they really can!

Essential oils help us release emotions, they can be of great assistance in getting to whatever emotional or spiritual roots our diseases and discomforts have. Do essential oils change our personalities or even our emotions? Of course not. But they seem to mitigate some of the power of our emotions and give us a little extra space in which to look more realistically or more creatively at our lives. Solutions seem to present themselves in the pause provided by the aroma of the oil. I can’t explain it to you. I can only say that I have experienced it myself and seen it in others.

^LeMillenia

This Butterfly blend certainly comes to mind first.  Although it is an oil for physical alignment, it also aligns the energy body – emotionally and spiritually.  My favorite use for this blend over the years has been with little ones (usually boys) who have been told they have ADHD.  It does a marvelous job of aligning their entire energy systems. The most important thing that I have seen ^LeMillenia do – and I have seen it over and over again – is give the child confidence in himself.

^LeMillenia, applied at least twice a day, changes the way they view themselves. They see themselves as able to succeed rather than broken and less than the kids around them. Their “disabilities” become a challenge and those who are trying to help them become friends rather than enemies, or people who make them feel bad about themselves.  How to apply it?  I like to rub ^LeMillenia, well-diluted, onto the bottoms of their feet.  After they put their shoes on, they can go to school without smelling like an herb shop.  Another great way to use this amazing blend is in the tub before bedtime.

^LeAssurance

This blend can be a great help when we are feeling anxious about a project that lies ahead of us.  I also find it helpful when I am bored with what I am doing or simply in the mood to put off until tomorrow what really needs to be done today.  ^LeAssurance helps me sort out the reasons for the reluctance or fear I am feeling about moving forward or facing a challenging situation.  Much like having a good friend in my corner, this blend helps me find self-confidence and self-assurance.  Hence, the choice of the name of this blend.

^LeBelieve

Love, forgiveness, peace, and understanding are the emotional gifts of this blend.  Such peace within ourselves breeds self-confidence.  ^LeBelieve can help us see more clearly our own talents and abilities.  Sometimes, it also helps us see our limitations and know where we need to seek advice or assistance.  ^LeBelieve gives me the confidence to know that I will be led to be where I need to be at the moment I need to be there.  It also lets me know that I will have been prepared – if I was paying attention to intuition and inspiration – to play the role that is mine to play.

^LeBeloved

This blend profoundly affects the heart chakra.  It is helpful in accessing our own inner strengths.  I reach for ^LeBeloved whenever I am feeling overwhelmed or inadequate to the task at hand.  It surprises me how much of an effect ^LeBeloved has on chronic pain.  I believe that the reason for this lies in its effect on the emotions that are either driving the pain or are the result of being in constant pain.

^LeBreezey

While generally thought of as an oil for physical illness, the aroma of ^LeBreezey lifts the spirits and brings a sense of confidence and self-worth.  Lemon and Peppermint are both great oils for feeling more energy and drive.

^LeCherish

My all-time favorite blend.  ^LeCherish helps us develop – or emphasize – our own inner courage, strength of character, and clarity of purpose.  At the same time, it aids us in seeing those around us with more sensitivity and compassion.

^LeCinnamonBear

^LeCinnamonBear has a delightful aroma, spicy and sweet at the same time. The spruce in the blend grounds our energy to earth.  The citrus essential oils improve our mood and lifts our spirits.  The cassia and clove sharpen our senses and clear our mind, while the rosemary provides support to a wide range of physical and energetic systems.  This blend removes the resistance we sometimes feel to new experiences, new people, and new situations.  Why are we resistant to new things?  Sometimes it is because we doubt ourselves and our ability to handle the situation.

^LeFaith

This blend brings us self-awareness and clarity about our own strengths and weaknesses.  Somehow, ^LeFaith does this without burying us in negativity or guilt concerning past mistakes.  As such it promotes feelings of self-worth.  In addition, ^LeFaith turns our thoughts to gratitude for the blessings we have received and for the talents and abilities that we have been given and have developed in our lives.

^LeGrace

When we arrived on this mortal shore, each one of us inherited a packet of fears.  Included in this package for some of us is the fear that we are somehow defective or less than we should be. Perhaps, we fear that we are not going to be able to accomplish the things in life that we were meant to accomplish.  This feeling of deficiency we think we see in ourselves is very likely only a perception but doesn’t make it any less real in our minds.  If we are not careful this misperception becomes one of the core beliefs in our lives.  ^LeGrace is meant to help us connect with the reality of our own great worth.  It helps us catch more than glimpses of God’s view of our potential and who we are.  This blend can open us to the love of others and to acceptance of ourselves.

^LeInner Peace

^LeInner Peace aids us in staying focused and clear, particularly about the direction our lives are taking.  This blend protects the energies of our bodies and minds from attack and depletion by the energies of others.  Although it protects us energetically, ^LeInner Peace leaves us open, compassionate, and willing to be of service if we desire.  ^LeInner Peace brings exactly that – inner peace.  From this perspective, we find acceptance of ourselves as we are and confidence in our abilities.  From this perspective, we are able to have confidence in our ability to rise to the challenges and changes that are a part of every life.

^LeKey to My Heart

^LeKey to My Heart creates enthusiasm for life.  It also brings confidence that we are capable of the tasks being required of us.  One description of this blend by a frequent user described it as helping to “create a self-disciplined, decided heart.” This is a perfect description of the emotional impact of ^LeKey to My Heart. She also mentioned that ^LeKey to My Heart gives one “sufficient hope to venture out and go forth and live while creating a safe atmosphere in which to work.”

^LeMagi

This is a low frequency, physical range essential oil blend, but has profound effects on the emotional and spiritual planes.  ^LeMagi has an affinity for the solar plexus chakra.  According to Eastern (Chinese) philosophy, the Solar Plexus area of the body is the area from which our light and knowledge radiate into the world.  This chakra is a brilliant golden yellow color when we are self-confident and self-aware.  ^LeMagi helps us overcome doubt and negative feelings about our own abilities.

Among the many emotional blends, ^LeMagi stands out for those with low self-esteem who are unable to feel really confident about themselves and their contribution, even after a job well done.

^LeSanctuary

^LeSanctuary promotes feelings of protection and safety. From this safe place, we can examine ourselves comfortably, listening closely to the whisperings of the spirit and our own intuitive knowledge of our strengths and weaknesses. This process helps us develop wisdom and good judgment and lets us build trust in ourselves and our decisions.

^LeTranquility

One of the best-loved of the Butterfly blends, ^LeTranquility can help us develop inner strength, patience, understanding, and confidence.  ^LeTranquility is useful as a sleep aid.  If you are prone to lie awake at night with “mind chatter”, especially mind chatter that is critical of yourself, please try this amazing blend.  It will help you step back from the situation so that you may come to a more complete understanding of it.  Then, you can sleep peacefully.

^LeWhispering Hope

^LeWhispering Hope should be used to stimulate feelings of hope and a sense of potential and achievement if one has become discouraged.  Whether you choose to use this oil for yourselves or others, be assured that the influence of this blend is very subtle. It very literally “whispers” its message of hope.

^LeWisdom

^LeWisdom is of particular use for those who become distraught or discouraged because they continually pressure themselves to do more, be absolutely perfect, or to be ready for any future crisis situation that may happen.

Flower Essences

Emotional Well Being

Flower essence remedies are very low potency remedies that address issues of emotional well-being, the development of character and spirituality, and mind/body health. The removal of emotional responses to certain triggers, the recognition that some ways of responding to certain situations are more appropriate and healthier than others, and the changing of negative attitudes such as fear to faith, and anxiety to peace, can have profound effects on both mental and physical health.

Dr. Edward Bach, an English physician and the creator of the original 36 Bach Flower Remedies, wrote in the early 1930’s that, “Behind all disease lies our fears, our anxieties, our greeds, our likes and dislikes. . . True healing involves treating the very base of the cause of the suffering. Therefore, no effort directed to the body alone can do more than superficially repair the damage. Treat people for their emotional unhappiness, allow them to be happy, and they will become well.” While the idea of emotional underpinnings to physical ailments is finding acceptance today, this was truly revolutionary thinking in Dr. Bach’s day.

Buttercup

This remedy suits those people who belittle themselves because they genuinely don’t recognize their own great worth.  It is also for those who hang back about sharing their gifts with others, not realizing how valuable their gifts are.

Centaury

There is a great deal of difference between serving others out of obligation, feeling that someone else more competent could do a better job, and serving from a knowledge of your own self-worth and ability to help.  This type of service becomes a joy.  It reignites the energies of the soul.  Centaury also helps a person see their own needs clearly and feel no guilt about getting those needs met.  Centaury helps us find a proper balance between service and selfishness.  It helps us recognize the taking care of oneself is self-esteem in action and not necessarily selfishness.

Cerato

Trusting our own “inner knowing” keynotes this remedy.  Cerato is all about self-confidence and certainty of one’s own gifts and discernment.  It is a wonderful remedy for those who are over-dependent on the opinions of others.  While seeking advice can be a good thing, being unable to think – and act – for oneself is not.

Echinacea

Consider this remedy when severe trauma, accident, illness, or abuse has damaged one’s sense of self.  Echinacea is for those times when these traumas have made life as one knew it no longer possible.  As an herb, Echinacea is an immune stimulant.  This tells us quite a bit about the damaging effect of serious stress or loss of function has on the immune system.

Elm

The negative aspects – the things for which this remedy is useful – include being overwhelmed by duties and responsibilities and feeling unequal to the tasks required.  The positive aspects, then, are confidence and faith in one’s ability to do well the things required!

Garlic

Overcoming fears and insecurities describe this remedy.  The eyes are the windows to the soul, we are told.  With garlic essence, when the soul is in trouble in ways that this essence would help, there is a characteristic vacancy and deadness seen in the eyes.

Goldenrod

Goldenrod is another remedy for those persons who are overly dependent or too much swayed by the opinions of others.  This remedy brings us to a secure sense of ourselves but allows us to participate fully and listen attentively to the ideas of others.  Easily susceptible to peer pressure or the “norms” of the culture and society around them describes a person who would benefit from this remedy.

Heather

Heather is for those persons who see themselves mostly as a list of their, perceived or otherwise, shortcomings, trials, and problems.  Perhaps, in the midst of hard days and tough trials, we all may display a tendency to think and speak only of ourselves and our troubles.  I have to admit (to myself) that I have certainly been there.  The goal of the Heather remedy is to help us become self-fulfilled and self-sufficient rather than self-absorbed.  Heather helps us find inner peace and tranquility and emotional independence.

Larch

A remedy for those times when we suffer from a lack of belief in ourselves, in our own abilities and talents.  Larch helps with hesitation and procrastination due to our unfounded expectations of failure.

Mallow

Friendship and social exchanges with others are good for the soul.  Mallow is for those who suffer from an inability to reach out to others.  Trust of others, where appropriate, and confidence in oneself keynote the positive aspects sought for when using this remedy.

Mimulus

Mimulus is specific to people who find difficulty facing daily challenges or who suffer from deep fears and phobias.  Hypersensitivity on many levels keynotes this remedy.  Like Magi essential oil, discussed above, this remedy targets the energy of the Solar Plexus.  Re-establishing courage and the shining light that blesses others is what this remedy is about.

Mountain Pride

Inability to take a stand when one’s convictions are challenged is the pattern of imbalance that this remedy addresses.  One description of this remedy that I love says, “warrior-like spirituality.”  Love it!  Want to be it, when necessary.

Penstemon

Penstemon is one of the most emotionally strengthening of the flower essence remedies.  This is a remedy for courage in the face of adversity or just for those times when we are feeling persecuted, sorry for ourselves, and unable to face any more of life’s circumstance.  Penstemon opens us to our own reserves of strength.  Resilience – one of my favorite words – describes this remedy.

Pretty Face

I often wonder how it is that the names of so many plant-based remedies are so descriptive of their actions.  This is another one of those.  The emotional pattern of this remedy is one of being too much focused on physical attributes and emotions.  In an imbalanced state, those needing this remedy may also feel ugly or feel that they are passed over or rejected because of their physical appearance.

Sage

Perhaps, Sage is an odd remedy to put in a discussion of self-esteem.  However, I believe the unique mental/emotional pattern of sage may explain some behaviors that appear to be timidity or lack of confidence.

The Sage personality sees their life as something over which they have no say.  Things – almost always negative and not to their advantage are fated to happen.  They see no higher purpose to life.  Their perception is that they have little say in how things turn out and there is no one else “out there” guiding or caring about them.  Fatalism is not, usually, a happy or confident way to live one’s life!

Sagebrush

This remedy is for the person who is having difficulty with the lack of or the loss of fame and/or fortune.  This is considered a personal reflection on themselves.  Such losses are viewed as proof that they are, basically and irreversibly, flawed in some way.

Saint John’s Wort

This is another odd choice, in my opinion, for a discussion of self-esteem.  Once again, however, it may be a piece of the whole picture.  Saint John’s Wort flower essence is about light and sensitivity to light.  This remedy strengthens the Solar Plexus.  It is from a strong and brightly glowing “center of ourselves” that we share our gifts with others.  This remedy is useful for those persons who struggle and suffer when there is too little light – Seasonal Affective Disorder.  A self-confident person glows.  Their whole soul radiates love, compassion, and yes, confidence!

Scleranthus

Indecisiveness describes this remedy.  Hesitation.  Confusion. Wavering between choices.  Unable to see the outcome of choices.  Also, the flip side of this is decisiveness, and acting confidently – perhaps, even from a place of inner knowing.

Sunflower

This remedy is for gaining perspective on who we really are.  An appropriate remedy whether we are exaggerating ourselves too much or failing to see our own good qualities.  Sunflower remedy is for both low self-esteem and for arrogance.  How can that be?  Actually, most herbal and energetic remedies work in exactly that manner.  They aid in returning the body and spirit to a state of stasis and balance.

Conclusion

I hope that if you have made it through all of this and saw something of yourself anywhere that you will follow-up with a program including one or, better yet, more of these amazing remedies.  I know both essential oils and flower essences can help you build self-esteem.